Why Core Values Matter (And How to Discover Yours)
Following my last blog post, How to Make Big Life Decisions with Clarity and Compassion, I had a few people reach out asking how to get clearer on their core values—how to identify them, how to live by them, and why they even matter. If you’ve ever felt disconnected from yourself, unsure of your direction, or stuck in decision-making, this might be something worth exploring.
Whether you're navigating a life transition, setting boundaries, or simply craving more clarity and alignment, understanding your core values can be a grounding, empowering step. And if you've experienced trauma, especially relational or childhood trauma, reconnecting with your values can also be an important part of healing.
What Are Core Values?
Core values are the guiding principles that reflect who we are and what truly matters to us. They are the internal compass that helps us make decisions, set boundaries, and show up authentically in our lives and relationships.
Unlike goals or external achievements, values aren’t things we “check off” or accomplish. They are qualities we choose to embody—like integrity, compassion, growth, honesty, creativity, or connection. Your values shape the way you navigate the world and help you return to yourself when things feel chaotic or overwhelming.
Why It’s Hard to Know What You Value
For many people, especially those who have experienced trauma, connecting with personal values isn’t easy. You may have learned to prioritize what others expected of you. You may have spent years in survival mode, where getting through the day took precedence over asking, “What do I care about?” You might have become so focused on keeping the peace, being liked, or staying safe, that you lost touch with your own voice and needs.
It’s incredibly common to reach adulthood feeling unsure about who you are and what’s important to you. And yet, this awareness—this question—is often what leads people to therapy or deeper personal growth work.
Rediscovering your values is one way to begin coming home to yourself.
The Benefits of Clarifying Your Values
When you get clear on your values, you gain a clearer sense of direction in your life. Your values can help you:
Set boundaries with more confidence,
Make decisions that feel aligned and authentic,
Choose relationships that support your growth,
Say yes and no with more clarity, and
Feel grounded in times of transition or uncertainty.
Living in alignment with your values doesn’t mean life becomes perfect or easy, but it does mean you’ll likely feel more at peace with the choices you make. You’ll know that even when things are hard, you’re being true to yourself.
A Guided Handout to Help You Begin
To help you begin exploring and discovering your core values, I’ve created a free digital handout, Discovering Your Core Values, you can download below. While it’s not an exhaustive resource, it’s a supportive starting point for meaningful reflection. Inside, you’ll find:
A curated list of personal values to explore
A process for narrowing down to your top 3–5 core values
Reflective questions to help you understand what those values mean to you
Tips for integrating your values into your daily life
You can download it here: Discovering Your Core Values
This resource is especially helpful if you're doing deep personal work, navigating transitions, or just craving a stronger sense of direction and self-connection.
How to Use Your Values in Daily Life
Once you've identified your values, you can begin to use them as a touchstone. Here are a few ways to integrate them into your life:
Reflect before making decisions: Ask yourself, “Which choice aligns best with my values?”
Set boundaries that honour your values: If you value peace, for example, you may need to say no to relationships or commitments that disrupt it.
Notice when you're out of alignment: Feeling resentful, overwhelmed, or disconnected can be a sign that a core value isn’t being honoured.
Celebrate the small moments: Living your values doesn’t have to be grand. Choosing to rest, speak up, create, or connect are all ways of honouring what matters.
A Gentle Reminder
Getting clear on your values isn’t about doing something perfectly. It’s about becoming more aware of what matters most to you, so you can make choices from a place of intention, not obligation or fear.
This kind of work takes time, especially if you’re unlearning patterns from childhood or past relationships. Be patient with yourself. It’s okay if your values shift as you grow. They are meant to evolve with you.
You Don’t Have to Do It Alone
At Lokahi Wellness Collective, we support people who are healing from trauma, navigating anxiety, setting boundaries, and reconnecting with their sense of self. If you want support as you uncover what matters to you and start living from that place, therapy can help. We’re here when you're ready.
With warmth,
Lisa