How to Feel Your Emotions (When You’ve Been Through Trauma)
Feeling your emotions sounds simple, right? But if you’ve experienced trauma—especially relational or childhood trauma—it can be one of the hardest things to do. You may find yourself avoiding, numbing, overthinking, or even getting physically overwhelmed when big feelings arise. If that’s you, you’re not alone.
As a trauma therapist, I see this every day. Many of my clients come in saying things like, “I don’t know how to feel my feelings,” or “I go numb when I try to talk about something painful.” The truth is, trauma changes the way we connect with our emotional world. But healing is possible—and reconnecting with your emotions is a big part of that journey.
Why Trauma Makes It Hard to Feel
When we go through traumatic experiences, especially over time (like in childhood), our nervous system learns to protect us by disconnecting from feelings that were too overwhelming or that we weren’t allowed to feel at the time. This is a survival skill. It might look like:
Shutting down or dissociating when you're upset
Going into “fix it” or “figure it out” mode instead of just feeling
Feeling numb or blank when others ask how you're doing
Avoiding vulnerable conversations out of fear of being misunderstood or rejected
These responses make sense. They're not signs that something is wrong with you—they're signs that your body learned how to keep you safe in a world that didn’t always feel safe.
But what helped you survive back then may now be getting in the way of fully living.
What Does It Mean to “Feel Your Emotions”?
It doesn’t mean crying all the time or getting stuck in overwhelm. Feeling your emotions means noticing what’s happening in your body, naming it, and allowing it to be there without judgment. It's about slowing down enough to tune in, even if just for a moment.
Emotions are felt experiences. They're not problems to solve or weaknesses to hide. They carry messages—about what matters to us, what we need, what feels good, and what feels off. When we can meet our emotions with compassion and curiosity, we build trust with ourselves.
Common Challenges (Especially if You’ve Experienced Trauma)
Not knowing what you feel
You might sense something is off, but struggle to name it. That’s okay. Emotional awareness is a skill, and like any skill, it takes practice.Fear of being overwhelmed
If your feelings were dismissed or punished in the past, it makes sense you'd be scared to feel them now. You might worry that if you really let yourself feel, you’ll fall apart.Shame or self-judgment
You might feel weak for being emotional or compare your reactions to others. Trauma often brings a harsh inner critic that tells you you're "too much" or "not enough."Over-identifying with your emotions
On the flip side, some folks are in touch with their emotions—but they feel consumed by them. They might swing between emotional flooding and emotional shutdown.
So... How Do You Start?
Here are a few gentle ways to begin reconnecting with your emotions:
1. Start with the body
Your emotions live in your body—not your mind. Instead of asking, “What am I feeling?” try, “What’s happening in my body right now?” Is there tightness in your chest? A lump in your throat? Warmth in your face? Just notice.
2. Name what you can
Even if it feels clunky or uncertain, try naming your feelings. “I think I might be feeling sad,” or “There’s some anxiety here.” You don’t have to get it perfectly right—just getting curious helps.
3. Create safety first
If feeling is too much, start by creating a sense of safety. That might mean grounding exercises, working with a therapist, or finding a supportive space where you don’t have to go it alone.
4. Go slow
There’s no rush. You don’t have to “feel everything” all at once. A few seconds of connection is enough. Over time, your nervous system can build tolerance and trust.
5. Practice self-compassion
You’re not broken. You’re not dramatic. You’re someone who learned how to survive. Feeling your emotions again is an act of courage—not weakness.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
At Lokahi Wellness Collective, I work with clients who are learning how to feel again after trauma. Whether you're just beginning to explore your emotions or you've been working on this for a while, therapy can offer a safe, grounded space to support your journey. You don’t have to rush. You don’t have to go deep before you’re ready. You get to heal at your own pace.
Feeling your feelings is not about being more emotional—it’s about being more connected to yourself. And when you can connect with yourself, everything begins to shift.